Well, it finally happened. I turned 40 today. I remember when my parents were 40. I thought it was old. As a teenager (you know, being invincible and all) I think I thought I would never actually turn 40. I'm not in a state of shock about it. I see no gray hair. In fact, the one gray hair I found a few months ago was actually reversing back to black roots - go ahead and hate me. I think the only issue I have truly encountered is when I sit cross-legged for too long and my legs feel like they're stuck.
Since the beginning of 2016 I have been thinking about what I would tell myself if I could travel back in time to when I was 20 years old. What would I say to myself? What advice would I give? Would I listen to myself?????
As I was walking around Jersey City today with the sun beating down on my face, almost getting hit by cars as I jaywalked, I continued to contemplate the advice I would give to myself. And this is a compilation of three months worth of being inside my head...enjoy!
You're not the smartest person in the world. And you never will be.
When I was in my late teens and early twenties I was smarter than my parents. Actually, I think I was smarter than every living adult. Now, at 40, I am fully aware of how stupid I was at that age. My "now" self would tell my "then" self to be more "teachable". Seek out "those old people" and glean knowledge from them. Gain perspective from people who have lived long lives. And never, ever, claim to be the smartest person you know.
Value people.
People are interesting. You will meet some along the way that will bore you out of your mind. And others that you will always want to be around. Some people will offend you, some will inspire you. But just remember that all people are valuable. You don’t have to agree with everyone but you should treat people with respect. Don't ever think anyone owes you anything. Flick that chip off your shoulder. Dig deep. Do the work. Don't burn bridges.
Eat well and exercise regularly.
When you're 20 you will hear a 40-year old say something like, “Wow, the weight just doesn't come off like it used to.” And you'll smirk and chuckle to yourself, convinced that person must eat way too many carbs and ice cream at every meal and that's why they can't lose the weight. But when you get to your 30’s, and then your 40’s you’ll see that they weren’t lying. Your 20-year old body is different from your 40-year old body. So take care of yourself.
Find the good in the bad.
There's going to be some super crappy stuff that will go down in your lifetime. Don't become jaded. In every story of tragedy there can be found testimonies of bravery, compassion, kindness, love, and generosity. Focus on those things. Applaud the good. Herald the heroes. Focus on the positive.
Study more history.
So you may have had a high school history teacher who let you do open book tests. Please don't be okay with your shallow knowledge of history. Learn as much as you can so you understand the social and political landscapes that will occur in the future. History will always play a significant part in the world you live in. Understanding it will give you the ability to see compassion in the frustration.
Thank you for not ruining tequila.
My dentist and I recently had a conversation about tequila. Yes, this is what I do at my dental appointments. When I mentioned my love for a double Patron (neat) he looked like he might lose it. "I can't do tequila," he said - with that face that also said 'something bad happened to me at some point in my much younger life that had to do with tequila.' Thank you, younger self, for not being stupid when you were in your 20's. Sipping tequila is an amazing experience and my 40-year old self loves it.
Listen more, speak less.
It is amazing what people will tell you when you learn to become a good listener. That doesn't mean nodding your head while you're thinking of a witty response. It means actually hearing what they are saying and taking it to heart. Please, learn to be a really good listener.
Don't ever stop hugging.
You might make a few people uncomfortable with your extreme passion for hugging. And one day in the year 2011 you WILL have someone stiff arm you when you go in for a hug. And trust me...your feelings will be hurt. But don't stop hugging. Hugging makes the world a better place.
