Those were the bad parts of the last few years. They were difficult. Really, really difficult at times. But one thing I have not allowed those events to do is to define me.
I've never met a person without insecurities. Ever. And if you say you're that person, I won't believe you. Because if you're actually LIVING every day to its fullest you will find that as you push forward in this thing called life, that new insecurities will constantly find you. They have to if you are striving for something more.
When you're pushing yourself to learn a new skill...you're never the smartest.
When you're stepping out into a new venture...you have no idea what's going to happen.
When you let some stranger cut your hair for the first time...you have no idea if they are going to make you look like your mom did when you were 7 years old when she had no idea how to cut Asian hair (love you, mom).
LIVING is full of insecurities, and I don't necessarily think that has to be a bad thing. But how you decide to move forward in the midst of those insecurities is what will define failure or success.
Insecurities are like tight muscles...if you just keep walking and stretching them, they will begin to feel much better.
Don't be a victim. I will never try to minimize what people have been through. Your life story has meaning. It will always play a factor in how you see the world, but you can't allow it to define you or you will never move forward. You'll find yourself blaming everyone else each time something negative happens. Depression will seek you out - and likely find you. You'll burn bridges everywhere you go. No one will trust you. It will be the loneliest place you can ever imagine.
Ask for help. In my 40's I have seen more and more friends turn to professional counseling to help them walk through different seasons and tragedies in their lives. There's a negative stigma that surrounds accepting "professional help" - one that looks at people as being weak for needing it. I completely disagree. My friends who have asked for and sought out help are the bravest people I know. They are choosing to face issues that are holding them back, head on. They understand there are people out there who need them - need the whole, confident person they were born to be - and they have my highest respect.
The loss of a parent (whether you're close to them or not) may be one of the most indescribable feelings a person can have. The only people who can truly relate to the feeling are others who have lost a parent. I'm not saying that to minimize the condolences offered or the tears shed by family and friends, but it really is such a surreal experience.
When my mom passed away, she had been sick for over a decade. I had reconciled that she would likely die sooner than she should and had a lot of time to prepare myself for the reality. It didn't help. I found myself shutting myself away and laying in bed for long periods of time. I started feeling and getting sick more often than I had at any other time in my life. I was allowing myself to drown in my sorrows.
And then a friend lost a parent. And then another. Then tragedy struck another friend. People needed me. A lot of people needed me. How could I hide behind my own pain and pretend like the world had stopped when so many people I cared about needed some of my strength?
I remember laying in my bed one day with the shades pulled shut and in the darkness thinking to myself, "You have got to get your ass out of this bed." And little by little I joined the living again. I opened my shades. I didn't allow myself to lay in bed all day. I got a gym membership. I started talking to people again. And some days were really difficult. The darkness of a comfortable bed was alluring in many ways. But I made a decision to not allow the sorrow to define me.
If you are reading this and it resonates with you, my birthday wish is that you take a hard look at who you are, how you see the world, and take inventory of the loved ones in your life who care about you. Get help if you need it. Allow people to love you. Life is a wild ride - and it can either be a dark, lonely ride, or one filled with bumps and sharp turns, but continually filled with joy. It's your choice.
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